Little White Lie
by andy29
Summary: Eric hates school so he comes up with a little white lie. Eric Cartman's POV.


**Little White Lie**

I sat there at the bus stop, freezing my nuts off really wanting to stay home, I hated school. Every bit of it. But that wasn't gonna stop me from going. Stan and Kyle were playing catch with Stan's dog. "Goddamnit!" I shouted, sick of the daily routines of going to school, going home, doing homework, and then doing the same thing the very next day! I cracked. I wasn't going to school that day. "What the hell's up with you, lard ass?" Kyle sniggered, still eyeing the PSP in his hands. "I'm sick of this crap! Why do we have to go to school!" This was very random of me, but I just couldn't take the shit anymore. "Well, get over it fat ass, we have to go." Stan said. "Well I'm not! Screw you guys - I'm goin' home!" I said, making a hand gesture. But before I could get out of sight, the bus arrived, Ms. Crabtree guiding me onto the bus, knowing I was trapped now. So I got on the bus and it took off to the school house. I dreaded that sight. The sign. The windows. The sounds of children laughing and bells ringing. It was the sound -- of Hell.

I walked into the school house and prepared to go to class with the other boys. I walked down the hallway as kids scattered around, taking things from their lockers, and rushing to their classrooms. I walked into the homeroom class, and took my seat. "This is bullcrap." I muttered. "Well it's not like you're a God, Eric. You can't always get what you want!" Kyle said. "But Ma'aaammmmm!" Eric cried. "Shut the fuck up, Eric!" Mr. Garrison yelled. "Okay, class today we are going to talk about using your logic to solve word problems. Now, since logic is the work of Satan, I'll -" Mr. Garrison continued to rant. I just couldn't take it. I had to get out of there, I was dieing of absolute boredum.

"- And so Einstien was just a retard and Jesus really wrote those books and said those things. Understood?" Mr. Garrison stood before many suprised kids. "Good. Class dismissed. - Oh, and don't forget Eric, you forgot to do that make-up work from those days you missed last week." That was _all_ I could take. "_Goddamnit!_" I cried. I was more than off the edge.

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Ten minutes later I found myself in the damn counselor's office, ready for whatever shit he would yell at me. While I sat there, I picked up a magazine which had "Teen's Health" on it. I opened it up and snickered at the diagrams of vagnias. Minutes went by as I waited at the small lounge chair by the table. But then suddenly - something caught my attention. I looked up and slid to the end of the couch to see a girl sitting in the guidance counselor's office - crying. The counselor seemed to feel pretty sorry for her. I listened in: "_Oh! I just can't take it anymore! I just want to die!"_ The girl cried. "Mm'kay. It's okay. Mm'kay. Suicide isn't the answer.. Mm'kay." A huge light bulb just flashed above my head.

_Suicide. Hmm._

The girl left the office and walked out the door with her face buried in her hands. "Okay Eric. I heard you've been having an awfully bad potty mouth, again. What is it this time, did Kyle try to bomb America? Mm'kay."

"Errmm.. No. - No." I conjured up a few tears and started: "_I"m feeling very suicidal! I'm soo sad and lonely!" _I cried. "Another one! Mm'kay!" He said.

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"_Oh _Doctor! What are we going to do! I can't have my little sugarpoo feeling like this!" My mom cried. "It's okay, we'll help him." The doctor assured. But I just sat there, acting depressed, knowing this was working and what I could do with it from now on - perfect. "Um. Eric, tell me when these horrible thoughts first occured."

_Think Eric. Think Eric._

"Um. Last night." I said in a low, depressing tone. "Soo painful." I shook my head, this was going by slick. "Did you try anything?" The doctor asked. "Um. Yeah. I.. um."

_Come on, you've seen millions of movies on suicide ... - The Heather! Yeah! Where that fat ass tried to walk in traffic!_

"I tried to walk in traffic!" I cried, still acting down but very emotional at the same pace.

"_Ohhh no! Eric, why!" _She said.

"I just.. couldn't take the pain of life.. anymore." I said.

"Well this certainly won't happen again. -" The doctor assured. "But how can you be so sure?" My mom cried. "- Because we'll hospitalize him for however long it takes."

The excitement and victory in my eyes then turned to shock and fear. "What?!" I yelled.

"I'll call the hospital right now." He said.

_..To be continued.._

_mawhahahahahahaha_


End file.
